as recently.. during exams.. things are normal.. a bit i guess. anyway... i've made a bet wit her for who will score d highest in additional maths in dis 4th exam.. if i lose, i hav to spend her.. if she lose, she'll hav to fulfill her bet base on wat i wan to receive from d bet. after more than 2 years of waiting for her, i thought dat dis is a great chance to ask her for another chance at our relationship! then.. u know la.. biasala kan i was so hyped for d bet. i was reli confident dat i will be d winner and say evrything i need to say to her.. sounds easy? sure la sounds like dat...
at d end of d day... of course i was d biggest winner... not only i've scored d highest in form 4, i've won d bet! wow.. i was so happy... and my mind was tellin me, "chance baby! yea u got chance! go tiger! chance is urs oh yea!". however... during dat day i got to know my result... i thought to myself.. am i gonna do d right thing? will it be fair for her to give me a chance secara paksa becoz she hav to fulfill d bet condition? it doesn't seem right... nor is it fair... by the time she asked me wat did i wan... i was left speechless... got nothin to say... all i can say was to let me giv a thought about it.
actually, i already did... i can't do dis to her! and so... a few days later... i got d guts to tell her wat i wan... but... still... i became speechless.. i was like, wat am i doing? last2... i told her dat i wanted to cancel d bet... u think it's stupid? yea it is but do u think i wan anythin else from her? all i need is another chance... a chance i know i won't be able to get... at least i think not now. crazy thing is.. she seemed pissed coz it's been a number of times dat i didn't finish wat i wan to say to her... mostly of my feelings towards her of course. so, d bet was cancelled.. finally. she kinda looked pissed but nothin seems to bother her.. a relief to me.. but also an upset for me. i realize dat.. it reali isn't d rite time for me to ask her dat... becoz her heart belongs to herself.. or sum1 else.. not me.
now, everything's change. i'm being ego-ish.. startin from recently.. till now.. and also crazy. i didn't talk to her at all since dat day and so does her. wan to be as far away from her as many times as possible.. altho we're classmates... i'm trying REAL hard to do so... to tell u d truth, i dun know wat in heavens i'm doing.. but i think i'm doin d right thing... maybe becoz i feel hurt of not having her now.. i can wait ba actually... but dunno la... feel like i dun wan to see her at all.
but time.. is going by much faster than i, and i'm starting to regret not spending all of dis wit her.. i'm wondering why, i've kept all of dis bottled inside.. so i'm starting to regret not telling all of dis to her... somehow, i gotta let her know... but i can't.. not now.. i wan to forget about her.. coz i'm afraid of falling in love wit her... but how? i love her..
