All I Need Is Another Chance

hmmmm... i'm totally blur rite now... generally speaking, i'm feeling totally speechless. dun know wat to do wit my life at the moment. it feels like evryday is different depending on situations i face.. i can hav happy, sad, angry n crazy feelings in juz one day. well, of course, dis is no surprise to anybody else.

as recently.. during exams.. things are normal.. a bit i guess. anyway... i've made a bet wit her for who will score d highest in additional maths in dis 4th exam.. if i lose, i hav to spend her.. if she lose, she'll hav to fulfill her bet base on wat i wan to receive from d bet. after more than 2 years of waiting for her, i thought dat dis is a great chance to ask her for another chance at our relationship! then.. u know la.. biasala kan i was so hyped for d bet. i was reli confident dat i will be d winner and say evrything i need to say to her.. sounds easy? sure la sounds like dat...

at d end of d day... of course i was d biggest winner... not only i've scored d highest in form 4, i've won d bet! wow.. i was so happy... and my mind was tellin me, "chance baby! yea u got chance! go tiger! chance is urs oh yea!". however... during dat day i got to know my result... i thought to myself.. am i gonna do d right thing? will it be fair for her to give me a chance secara paksa becoz she hav to fulfill d bet condition? it doesn't seem right... nor is it fair... by the time she asked me wat did i wan... i was left speechless... got nothin to say... all i can say was to let me giv a thought about it.

actually, i already did... i can't do dis to her! and so... a few days later... i got d guts to tell her wat i wan... but... still... i became speechless.. i was like, wat am i doing? last2... i told her dat i wanted to cancel d bet... u think it's stupid? yea it is but do u think i wan anythin else from her? all i need is another chance... a chance i know i won't be able to get... at least i think not now. crazy thing is.. she seemed pissed coz it's been a number of times dat i didn't finish wat i wan to say to her... mostly of my feelings towards her of course. so, d bet was cancelled.. finally. she kinda looked pissed but nothin seems to bother her.. a relief to me.. but also an upset for me. i realize dat.. it reali isn't d rite time for me to ask her dat... becoz her heart belongs to herself.. or sum1 else.. not me.

now, everything's change. i'm being ego-ish.. startin from recently.. till now.. and also crazy. i didn't talk to her at all since dat day and so does her. wan to be as far away from her as many times as possible.. altho we're classmates... i'm trying REAL hard to do so... to tell u d truth, i dun know wat in heavens i'm doing.. but i think i'm doin d right thing... maybe becoz i feel hurt of not having her now.. i can wait ba actually... but dunno la... feel like i dun wan to see her at all.

but time.. is going by much faster than i, and i'm starting to regret not spending all of dis wit her.. i'm wondering why, i've kept all of dis bottled inside.. so i'm starting to regret not telling all of dis to her... somehow, i gotta let her know... but i can't.. not now.. i wan to forget about her.. coz i'm afraid of falling in love wit her... but how? i love her..

It's Not Funny Anymore Again

phew! finally holidays are here... and dis is d 1st time in months i've updated my blog! well, u know la i've been SO BUSY wit badminton and skul stuff... and it can get boring sometimes when i wanted to update this blog coz i dun think i hav any interesting stories to tell.

well, i hav some story of myself... kinda lame coz dis had never happened in d whole effing story of my life.

1st of all, i have fallen in love wit my ex again... evrybody knows dat ordy.. yea.. actually i thought d feeling was dead and gone forever but, it came back alive during the 2nd exam hols(2nd week) where i was e-mailing her on yahoo... it's SO SUDDEN! i dunno wat happened but i think it was like magic.. but i thought to myself dat i shud keep it shut for the while..

eventually she knows it when i told her bout it after she got back from Ranau wit the koreans!...

however... situations start changing quite dramatically... seldom good, often bad.. get wat i mean? to be honest, although i think dat i can win her back, a lot of things that i took into measure makes evrything look like it's the other way round... wat's even worse is, people are interfering! i can't believe it..

there were also hypocritical people, in front of me they were like, "dun give up zack! i know u can win her again! and in her heart she feels it too!"... yea dat was SO SWEET of them to say... but i heard YOU PEOPLE say behind me is, "i dun think zack will win her heart, i dun think so coz i know so!"... 

well... wat was dat?? dun pretend like i dun know who u are, I DEFINITELY KNOW WHO YOU ARE. do u know i was never hyprocritical to u? i never tell u to give up on d guy u were chasing rite? well let me tell somethin to make u feel better.... HE NEVER WANTS YOU, FACE IT.

other than hyprocritical peeps, there's also brainwashing people who attempts to make me fail to win her heart.. wat are u people doing???? since when all of this become your business??? i ever kacau u ka??? sudah pun u and ur gang kasi main hati my brother, nearly broke my friendship wit jason and cause my break up wit her... APA LAGI KAMU MAU????!!! u wan to brainwash her so dat ur cousin at MRSM will have more time to win her too?? sy teda chance ka???? u all hurt me so much.. and now i have to stepback for awhile... HAPPY???! yea, u win dis time... for now u can eat up ur "trophy"... makan la kmu tu sampai kmu mati! one day i'll have d last laugh... and it'll be IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE!

My Randomness!! Ep. 8: Chong Wei receives award from Yang Di-Pertuan Agong

BADMINTON'S World No 1 Lee Chong Wei became the second recipient of the prestigious Darjah Bakti (D.B.) award in conjunction with the Yang di-Pertuan Agong Tuanku Mizan Zainal Abidin's birthday at Istana Negara yesterday.

Squash star Nicol David was the first athlete to be conferred the D.B. honour last year and although the award does not carry any titles, it is limited to only 10 recipients at any one time.

The award was introduced on June 26, 1975, to honour Malaysians who make outstanding contributions in raising the stature of the country in various fields. 

Chong Wei received the rare recognition after winning the silver medal at the Beijing Olympics, which was Malaysia's first medal in the games in 12 years, and also maintaining his position as the World No 1 since August 21, 2008. 

Chong Wei has also been the only Malaysian player to have won international titles regularly and has also bagged seven consecutive national crowns since 2003.

His exploits in Beijing also earned him the Darjah Setia Pangkuan Negeri (DSPN), which carries the title Datuk, from the Penang state government.

My Randomness!! Ep. 7: Salam Peterpan!

Peterpan.. the band that was formed from Indonesia!

they are my "paling" favourite becoz of their deep meaning in their lyrics of their songs.

too bad that two members from the band are leaving, causing Peterpan to be "extinct" after recording and releasing their final album "Sebuah Nama Sebuah Cerita".

but not to worry, the band will still be in action but with a new band name though the name is not yet known to public..

anyway... becoz I love this band so much and I know many of you love them too, here's two of their best hits (my fav)..

-|DI BALIK AWAN|-

Ku tak selalu berdiri,

terkadang hidup memilukan,

jalan yang ku lalui,

untuk sekedar bercerita

Pegang tanganku ini,

dan rasakan yang ku derita,

apa yang kuberikan,

tak pernah jadi kehidupan,

semua yang kuinginkan,

menjauh dari kehidupan..

Chorus:

Tempatku melihat, di balik awan

aku melihat, di balik hujan

tempatku terdiam, tempat bertahan

aku terdiam, di balik hujan

Pegang tanganku ini,

dan rasakan yang ku derita

genggam tangan ku ini,

genggam perihnya kehidupan

apa yang kuberikan,

tak pernah jadi kehidupan

semua yang kuinginkan,

menjauh dari kehidupan (Chorus)(solo)(Chorus 2x)

-|Ku Katakan Dengan Indah|-

Ku katakan dengan indah,

dengan terbuka

hatiku hampa,

sepertinya luka,

menghampirinya

Kau beri rasa,

yang berbeda

mungkin ku salah,

mengartikannya,

yang ku rasa cinta

Bridge:

Tetapi hatiku,

selalu meninggikanmu,

terlalu meninggikanmu,

selalu meninggikanmu

Chorus:

Kau hancurkan hatiku,

hancurkan lagi

kau hancurkan hatiku

tuk melihatmu

kau terangi jiwaku,

kau redupkan lagi,

kau hancurkan hatiku

tuk melihatmu

(Repeat Bridge)

kau buatku terjatuh dan terjatuh lagi,

membuatku merasakan yang tak terjadi,

semua yang terbaik dan yang terlewati,

semua yang terhenti tanpa kuakhiri

(Repeat Chorus)

PETERPAN FOREVER(photo: lead singer, Ariel)

Chapter 21: What to Expect?

geez... I just dun know what to expect during the hols...
it's like boring bullshit... but I like it coz it's not skul days.

I actually plan to spend my 2 week hols doin workouts...
I'm lookin pretty skinny at the moment and I need to increase my fitness too!
so yea I did jogging, skipping, sit ups, push ups, back ups, lifting weights and sprinting.
I've been doin dis wit my family since wednesday (during 2nd week exam).

but seriously do I look "skinny" to you??
honestly I totally disagree wit those who say so.

ah! exams! oh wait.. dat gives me d creeps...
rumors are sayin dat my add maths got 81!
wow.. dats cool but I should've done better...
I even got my chemistry paper! sadly I got 44.5~
now I just hope dat I won't fail my bm paper.

hols... well... I got no one to spend time wit..
if u're asking me "how bout Esther??"
well... d answer u're gonna get is, there's no her in my holidays.
I just wanted to say dat, I've given up on her.. she's so in LOVE wit Brandon.
becoz of dat, the "sparks" are gone.. honestly, if it was the other way, things would be much different.
if you're gonna ask me "are u sad?", I have mix answers for dat, yes and no. I said yes becoz, my love was not accepted and I really can't believe she can't forget bout Brandon. it seems to me dat she really loves him.
but.. dis situation got me thinkin..
-why i can get over and forget bout Chrissie?
-she was my 1st love, I really love her, but I can get over her?
-does dis mean dat I was not really in love wit Chrissie??
summore... I'm sad to see Esther in love with dat guy... I dunno why. dis situation is somehow connected to my story; did Chrissie felt dat way towards me?

and d reason I said no is becoz...
......
......
I think I do not deserve to be with her..
like d time when... Chrissie was stolen from me... and she told me "I never loved you"...
and funny thing was... I was rejected by Esther twice.. I won't hav to know d third one.
sometimes when peeps say "never give up"... I doubt it.

My Randomness!! Ep. 6: Please Understand

I will never stop
to understand,
I'm sure to keep on thinking,
do I have to force myself?
or should I bleed for you?
but whatever it is,
as long as u try to accept me,
for who i am.

and you my dear,
would only have to accept,
and you won't have to understand,
or think,
just know that,
I breathe for you..
so please stay,
and accept me.

please try to understand,
whatever you are looking for,
will never end,
I wanted to feel,
this feeling of missing you,
I would be a fool to just let time pass
without you by my side..

Chapter 20: More Than Friends

oh~!

back to my life!

I know it's as boring as it sounds...

but what the heck... it's my life dude!

let's keep it short and simple... so that readers won't be effin boring reading this shyt~

ok so... everybody knows I'm in LOVE with classmate Esther V of 4 Amanah. I can't help thinking about her all the time... during training, during class, at home and at almost everywhere!

However... it seems like I don't have a place in her heart and although it hurts me, we humans have to accept facts right?

the reason why I say this is because she told me once before that she never think of me as more than friends and her heart is currently with somebody else... or forever with somebody else. sometimes I'd wish  I can deny everything that she say to me but.. that would be like forcing her to like me and I really don't want that to happen... coz that's just not me.

currently we're best friends.. and I think Esther's comfortable with that. Honestly, I'm not comfortable with the current relationship because it's not going anywhere! it's almost like the movie "Just Friends" except that I'm not fat of course. I really hate the part where after you reach the "best friend" level, the girl seemed to be not flexible with you.. it's like a virus that is freaking hard to break through!

but still... what's important is what Esther feels... every guy's principle is he must respect the girl that they love. so, although I feel pain inside, as long as I respect Esther's decision to keep our relationship as friends, I'm ok with that.. because what I feel is of no importance.. even if it means killing me, I want to see Esther happy all the time... her smile is really sweet. haha..

at least this is how I can show my love to Esther..

My Randomness!! Ep. 5: I Would Like to Introduce Mr. Sensitive

Day in and day out
watch him scream, watch him shout
through the silence
through the silence
give him ears
give him eyes
give some point to the cries and the violence
oh, the violence
hear him scream your name

I would like to introduce Mr. Sensitive
the one who never let the worst get the best of him
get the best of him

This city feels low against the gleam and the glow of his diligence
to their elegance
just feel anger, feel pain
feel the sun and the rain
just feel something
oh, feel something
hear him scream your name

I would like to introduce Mr. Sensitive
the one who never let the worst get the best of him

They throw the stones and bricks and bones
he didn't stand a chance
they said
come little boy the world is so
but ignorance is bliss

I would like to introduce Mr. Sensitive
the one who never let the worst get the best of him

I would like to introduce Mr. Sensitive
the one who never let the worst get the best of him
get the best of him

My Randomness!! Ep. 4: let's start off with..

yo peeps! i know you've been wondering where have my other posts have gone to...

well, they're deleted so that i can start new, fresh posts.

anyways... let me be random for now...

as a badminton freak.. you all know that i'm always searching for newest badminton vids especially those cool awesome matches like lin dan vs lee chong wei or taufik hidayat vs lee chong wei... all lee chong wei! hahaha... i'm such a big fan of him and of the sport.

recently i've found the match i was looking for and it's the semi final match of the all england badminton championships 2009(men singles) between taufik hidayat of indonesia and lee chong wei of malaysia(1st set only)!

All England 2009 Men Singles Semi Finals Part 1/6

All England 2009 Men Singles Semi Finals Part 2/6

All England 2009 Men Singles Semi Finals Part 3/6

overall.. it was an awesome match with chong wei owning the 1st set. despite his effort in the semis, lin dan is still

on top of his game and defeated chong wei in straight sets in the final to win his 4th all england title.

that all from me for now... see you in the next post!