Chapter 21: What to Expect?

geez... I just dun know what to expect during the hols...
it's like boring bullshit... but I like it coz it's not skul days.

I actually plan to spend my 2 week hols doin workouts...
I'm lookin pretty skinny at the moment and I need to increase my fitness too!
so yea I did jogging, skipping, sit ups, push ups, back ups, lifting weights and sprinting.
I've been doin dis wit my family since wednesday (during 2nd week exam).

but seriously do I look "skinny" to you??
honestly I totally disagree wit those who say so.

ah! exams! oh wait.. dat gives me d creeps...
rumors are sayin dat my add maths got 81!
wow.. dats cool but I should've done better...
I even got my chemistry paper! sadly I got 44.5~
now I just hope dat I won't fail my bm paper.

hols... well... I got no one to spend time wit..
if u're asking me "how bout Esther??"
well... d answer u're gonna get is, there's no her in my holidays.
I just wanted to say dat, I've given up on her.. she's so in LOVE wit Brandon.
becoz of dat, the "sparks" are gone.. honestly, if it was the other way, things would be much different.
if you're gonna ask me "are u sad?", I have mix answers for dat, yes and no. I said yes becoz, my love was not accepted and I really can't believe she can't forget bout Brandon. it seems to me dat she really loves him.
but.. dis situation got me thinkin..
-why i can get over and forget bout Chrissie?
-she was my 1st love, I really love her, but I can get over her?
-does dis mean dat I was not really in love wit Chrissie??
summore... I'm sad to see Esther in love with dat guy... I dunno why. dis situation is somehow connected to my story; did Chrissie felt dat way towards me?

and d reason I said no is becoz...
......
......
I think I do not deserve to be with her..
like d time when... Chrissie was stolen from me... and she told me "I never loved you"...
and funny thing was... I was rejected by Esther twice.. I won't hav to know d third one.
sometimes when peeps say "never give up"... I doubt it.

My Randomness!! Ep. 6: Please Understand

I will never stop
to understand,
I'm sure to keep on thinking,
do I have to force myself?
or should I bleed for you?
but whatever it is,
as long as u try to accept me,
for who i am.

and you my dear,
would only have to accept,
and you won't have to understand,
or think,
just know that,
I breathe for you..
so please stay,
and accept me.

please try to understand,
whatever you are looking for,
will never end,
I wanted to feel,
this feeling of missing you,
I would be a fool to just let time pass
without you by my side..

Chapter 20: More Than Friends

oh~!

back to my life!

I know it's as boring as it sounds...

but what the heck... it's my life dude!

let's keep it short and simple... so that readers won't be effin boring reading this shyt~

ok so... everybody knows I'm in LOVE with classmate Esther V of 4 Amanah. I can't help thinking about her all the time... during training, during class, at home and at almost everywhere!

However... it seems like I don't have a place in her heart and although it hurts me, we humans have to accept facts right?

the reason why I say this is because she told me once before that she never think of me as more than friends and her heart is currently with somebody else... or forever with somebody else. sometimes I'd wish  I can deny everything that she say to me but.. that would be like forcing her to like me and I really don't want that to happen... coz that's just not me.

currently we're best friends.. and I think Esther's comfortable with that. Honestly, I'm not comfortable with the current relationship because it's not going anywhere! it's almost like the movie "Just Friends" except that I'm not fat of course. I really hate the part where after you reach the "best friend" level, the girl seemed to be not flexible with you.. it's like a virus that is freaking hard to break through!

but still... what's important is what Esther feels... every guy's principle is he must respect the girl that they love. so, although I feel pain inside, as long as I respect Esther's decision to keep our relationship as friends, I'm ok with that.. because what I feel is of no importance.. even if it means killing me, I want to see Esther happy all the time... her smile is really sweet. haha..

at least this is how I can show my love to Esther..