My Randomness!! Ep. 22: Colour My Life

pfffffyyyYYYYTTTTTT!

hmm... what was that? sorry, just another one of my sarcrapsm..

don't know what's SARCRAPSM???

well, obviously it's sarcasm + crap =?...

or is it supposed to be sarcasm x(multiply) crap = sarcrapsm?

no.. that's not right..

should be..

S x A x R x C x R x A x P x S x M = SA2R2CPSM
                                                        = S(A)(R)C(R)(A)PSM

urgh.. you know what..
you work out the equation!

hahaha.. sorry, I tend to have an "intro" for every post that I make. it's.. a tendency.. *ehem*

today's post is about COLOURS! don't ask me why I wrote this, but it just pop out. and again, it's random so that's why it's in the My Randomness!! episodes.

by the way, let's start with black and white.. currently now my favourite colour. both have meaning to each individual who chooses them. separately, they differ from each other. but combining them together, they tell another story.

Yellow: usually the preferred colour for my badminton kits

often when people watch old movies that were black and white, they say it's "colourless". no, they are not colourless, black and white is indeed and obviously COLOUR. only that it has little taste and feel to watch. personally, watching a movie in black and white gives weight to my heart. I don't know why, that's just me I guess. I love movies with rich colour.. let's take the latest; Green Lantern! I love the "green" in the movie. though the colour YELLOW is usually the preferred colour for my badminton kits but sadly this time "yellow" is the baddy (colour of fear in Green Lantern movie).

talking about colourless.. it's easy to find one thing that is. one of them is water. they do not have any distinct colour.. they just exist that way. how God manage to make it colourless is absolutely amazing. though kids tend to justify that water is BLUE, it does appear to look blue at times. why was it blue? according to one scientific explanation, for the same reason why the sky is blue, when white light from the sun enters the water (ex: ocean), other colours are formed (RED, blue, ORANGE, yellow, rainbow colours etc.). but like red, orange, yellow (long wavelength light), the water absorbs the colour stronger than of blue (short wavelength light) and blue is what your eyes see.

now, let's not get nerdy here.. haha.

so, what can we actually do with colours? we can paint a picture, we can write with them, we can beautify something with them.. we can do anything with them. colour gives or shows character. why so? every soul has colour. every time they do something, they are actually either adding or showing "colour" of themselves. when people are in love.. the "emit" a colour. people describe their love with a shape of a heart. but it means nothing without colour.. so they add red to it. but why RED? in my opinion, heart pumps blood which is red, so it's obvious that a love heart is red in colour. or it also means sacrifice.. a person would sacrifice anything for love, including one's own life. when one loses love.. the love heart turns black. black like charcoal, it breaks easily and can be burned which causes pain.

a happy person usually emits rainbow colours (at least that's how I felt when I'm happy). rainbow colours are beautiful which brings a smile upon a face when a rainbow appears after a gloomy blue rainy day.. hahaha.. now I'm putting colour into my writings to describe something. how beautiful colour can be.

In Brightest Day, In Darkest Night

right now, I can describe that my life is.. black and white. it feels heavy, empty and lifeless. but somehow, it's alright to me. I'm not doing anything bad about it and I plan to keep it that way. it's like seeing life as a straight line. if I add other colour to it, it'll no longer be straight but maybe wavy instead which is nice but "risky". inside my black and white coloured life, there's a rainbow in it.. waiting to be released and shared with others. I'm not releasing all those colours yet though.

My Life: Black and White

that is also why my current profile pictures in facebook are black and white. I felt that it truly pictures my life.. with the gloomy look I always give, seldom smiling in them. but don't worry, deep down inside, I'm full of colour.. red, blue, yellow, green, orange, etc.. with my friends, I emit my colour. but alone, I remain black and white; my true self.

so...

what is the COLOUR of your life???

mine is black and white as mentioned..

stay tuned because Ep. 23 will come sooner than expected.. maybe.
the Chapter series however still remains on hold because there's nothing new in my life for now..

wait..

there is.. ah!! Chapter 27 will come soon also lah xDDDDD

anyway..~!

figured out the SARCRAPTIC equation yet????

if NO.. then.. view the pic below..

MIAOW!!!

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT POST! xDDDDDD

My Randomness!! Ep. 21: That's You, That's Me

Fate, perhaps this was the way,
to admire without love,
it does not matter to me, as long as you're always happy,
content and always blessed, that's you.

a long time a feeling like this was kept hidden,
waiting for you to accept my heart,
it does not matter to me, for as long as you were in my sight,
feeling contented and blessed for the moment, that's me.

I wanted you to know, I wanted to wait for you,
even if it means waiting until I would draw my final breath,
to hope that this would last forever,
to hold you in my arms until it's over.

I need you, but I don't want you,
now, for just awhile, I'll just dwell on what we were together,
not who we were together.

That's you..

That's me..

My Randomness!! Ep. 20: When I Call Your Name

You never said that this was easy,
you also never said that it would be this hard,
our love is meant to be forever, now or never seems to disappear,
there's gotta be some way for me to utter
what's on my heart without leaving scars,
well, can you hear me.. when I call your name?

Life complications are the cores of all that's wrong,
and I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long,
there's gotta be some way for me to utter
what's on my heart without leaving scars,
so, can you hear me.. when I call your name?

And when I fall apart, are you the reason for my endless sorrow?
there's so much to be said.
And with a broken heart, these four walls can only go down but so low.
Can you hear me when I call your name?

You never said that this would be easy,
when I called your name..

My Randomness!! Ep. 19: Learn My Lesson

Tonight the sunset means so much,
the one thing that you know you'll never touch,
like the feeling, the real thing,
I reach out for that sweet dream,
but somehow the darkness wakes me up.

And I've felt this emptiness before,
but all the times that I've been broken,
I still run right back for more.

Sometimes I think I'm better off,
to turn out the lights and close up shop,
and give up the longing, believing in belonging,
just hold down my head and take the loss.

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now,
you'd think that I'd somehow figure out,
that if you strike the match,
you're bound to feel the flame.

You'd think that I'd learn the cost of love,
paid that price long enough,
but still I drive myself right through the pain,

yeah, well it turns out I haven't learned a thing..

My Randomness!! Ep. 18: Self Complication and the "Wedding Crasher"

tonight.. I'm blogging again once more.

life right now, seems quiet in my opinion.. well, so much quiet than usual. usually, there's so many things to do outside. but right now, it's all the "same". however, I don't mind living like this for a while but things could change in an instance, or it could stay the same. I don't want to write much here.. but just the need to "extract" my personal feelings on something; on a computer, my blog site.

for the past few months, a lot of things are bothering me in one way or another. some were temporary, some were lasting. the temporary ones are all new but didn't quite bother me. the lasting ones were supposed to be "dead" but no.. it still lingers.. and it has been there with me ever since. I don't like keeping it to myself nor expressing it to the community. but I guess I just need to write. at least to frequently remind myself how "troubled" I am right now. though it may not be important to most people, it is indeed very important to me.

funny how people can't notice how "disturbed" I am. it seems like I covered it all up very nicely. although I tend to attract some attention when I expressed some distress in my status updates on Facebook, when people ask what's the matter, I reply in a joking manner; implying that I was just fooling around. but seriously, I do feel disturbed.. but I couldn't help keeping it to myself so I expressed them through Facebook and the joke comments I put there were intentional so that people won't ask more. I admit, I don't need anybody's help. I can solve this on my own.

back to the topic, I would have sleepless nights. though I could sleep after that, I often have dreams.. most of them were sweet, warm, thoughtful. in other words, the dreams I had were nice. sometimes, I would love to stay in dreams longer than reality. most of the dreams were vivid; I could feel one's hand on mine, feel emotions.. only to feel depressed upon waking up because I was so happy to feel this way, and then all of that vanished. I don't like it at all.. but at least I have some times of happiness though temporary.

furthermore, I often wanted to find some place where I can be alone. I'm always in the need to think, to correct myself for past mistakes.. or just be alone.

the only times when I'm not feeling troubled is when I'm playing video games and playing badminton. that's why right now I'm spending more time on video games than other stuffs. but I know it won't help me forever.. one day I might want to do something new.. something more exciting.

but what am I having actually? what really bothers me? am I having stress? yes, I think I do have stress but what causes the stress? well, I don't need to find out about that. I already know. and it's making me crazy.. what am I to do about it..?

every second, it hurts me. I prefer not to hurt anybody with what I'm facing and that is why I pushed away the things that were close to me. but I don't love them anymore. I lost all feelings.. I feel nothing when I throw them all away. it sounds cruel but it's the best option. if I keep them close, they will get hurt too. I don't want that. furthermore, they were all burdens to me.. I'd rather cut loose. I'm sorry for what I've done but honestly I don't care whether you're hurt from my actions and I don't care if you hate me.

still.. about my dreams.. I would call it "meeting the Wedding Crasher" dreams. Wedding Crasher(WC) was always beautiful. whenever I was around WC, I would feel comfortable and calm. I would smile. we were always in different places, and all of them were nice places. WC would recite memorable words in my past. the words were once meant a lot to me but uttered by people who don't actually mean what they say. I would sometimes have walks with WC.. while holding hands.. it was so real.. reminds me so much of.. never mind. but anyway, usually our talks were short. and then I would wake up in the morning.. felt sad again. another day to live through.

for anybody's information, Wedding Crasher is a real person in real life. and she's female, my age. WC is also the same person in real life; all personalities are there. I must be crazy but seriously I would dream of WC almost every night. I know one day the dreams will end soon.

I don't know what to say more.. because these words I wrote here aren't making any sense at all. I'm not revealing the truth anyway. but obviously I think all of you know already. hahaha..

anyway.. that's all I have to blog about for now..