Final Chapter: Disconnect the Rhythm

"finally.. the Chapter ends here.

it has been a nice run for me.. to be able to blog about my life.

where most of my readers are my friends who liked it while most outsiders disliked it.

anyway, this is the final chapter, and I'm wrapping it up to work over my next blog Already Asian.

I M WHO I M will remain here for viewing but may not have any more posts (except for My Randomness!! episodes)."

okay let's begin :)

Calling Quits

as of May 2011, I'm finally calling quits to my badminton dreams but will remain playing as a casual player and play much lesser tournaments. I'll be taking a really long break while I prepare myself mentally for my studies which I will leave for KL by early 2012. it's not that I'm lazy at training, I did some long thinking and I came to realize that my responsibilities to the family is much more important than my own dreams. I know I can still play badminton at any time at college/uni as so that I will not waste my talent. due to this event, I lost all my fitness and some of my consistency in stroke play.. making me more "vulnerable" while playing matches. surprisingly, it feels nice to lose to my cousins and uncles once or twice after being "almost unbeatable" in the family. being entitled "the top gun of the Kisseys" by my uncle will remain in me as it is the burning spirit to every match I play though my cousin Mavard will most likely overtake me. honestly, I'm not saying that I'm a very pro player, I'm happy with my level of play though I'm not the likes of the state players who has achieved a lot to make Sabah proud. may badminton in Sabah continue to grow and produce world-beating players in the future.

While Waiting

well, I'm out of badminton, and I'm seriously not getting a job. I only "plant grapes" now (menganggur)! only enjoying everyday which I call holidays. the only things I'm doing now is doing house chores, watch tv, play video games (most of the time), and play badminton with family every Tuesday and Saturday. other than that,

"the only things I'm doing now is doing house chores, watch tv, play video games, etc."

I'm just a potato couch but I'm seriously not getting any fatter as my weight remains at 61kgs. huh! what an incredible feat LOL. but I'm getting bored day by day.. unless I get new copies of video games. somehow, I wondered how my brother was able to survive a whole year of "planting grapes" before furthering his studies?! guess that's one thing my bro is good at; waiting. this is actually my current life after I quit badminton. mostly the same thing everyday.. I spend most of my time at home.. I even get a comment by someone, "get a life" he says. thanks, but seriously I do have a life, I'm ALIVE if that's what you mean. my mum and dad are the ones who keep me company all the time. even if I want to go out, most of my friends are already away to further their studies.. well, I wish them ALL THE BEST!

My Gain, Your Loss

about the self complications that I've faced for the past 6 months, it has finally come to an end. somehow, my prayers have been answered so I have to say BIG thanks to

"I may have gone over the line that night"

 
Almighty God. before that, it seems like I'll suffer longer than usual but thanks to some simple spontaneous act, I benefited from it. though it comes with a cost, which is that I resulted in making some enemies with good people. but that's just a significant risk and I certainly didn't lose anything. instead, I gained something. I may have gone over the line that night, but still, no regrets.

well, ain't that great? haha! slowly, things are starting to get better.

and I'm feeling so much newer.

though I'm still me, I've still got lots to learn from life..

I've to meet new people, while maintaining friends..

the chapter ends here, but it's still a long way to go!

see you on my next BLOG!

just for fun :)

|_.::FIN::._|

Composing the Final Chapter is Hard

"Chapter 27 is still in works but I'm finding it hard to finish it..

ugh, I'm having issues with myself on whether to post such story.

since it's supposed to be the end of the Chapter series,

I decided that I'll be frank on this post."

I've come to a simple conclusion that I'm going to post this with it's whole story without leaving readers to think what the hell is actually going on. in most chapters and My Randomness! episodes, whenever I discussed a problem I faced, I rarely elaborate about it. for example, in MR!! ep. 18 where I discussed about the complications I faced and this so called dream lady, "Wedding Crasher", I didn't really touch on the real facts but instead leave readers to think, "what the hell?". well, in the final chapter, I'm going to be exposing more.. but still holding back some.

Chapter 27 is 78% done as I'm typing this..

and that's it. just informing on what's to come on Chapter 27 ^_^

ANNOUNCEMENT: Chapter series to END, My Randomness!! episodes getting a makeover

ehems~~!


hello fellow blog readers of my blog, Zack here.

this is just a short announcement of what's to happen to my blog.

currently, the Chapter series has come to a standstill and I'm pleased to say that the series will come to its final chapter in Chapter 27. I'm stating this out because, my life stories seems to have come to its closing anyway. but there's good news for loyal readers.. my life has not ended yet, just entering a new phase.

this means that an all-new series of my life stories will be introduced!

I can tell you this, the title header for the new series is "Adulthood".
this is because as I grow up, my life stories and how I present it are becoming more mature (I guess..) and also the end of the Chapter series marks the end of teen life at school. although I'm still considered a teen, I'm legal of some adult stuffs..

just think of it as... Dragonball going to Dragonball Z! a more mature and intense story driven drama.

the other announcement.. as stated in the title, the M. R.!!(My Randomness!!) episodes will be getting a makeover. I've not come up with a suitable title header for the series yet but it'll be more about my "views" and "philosophy"..

all these new series will be heading into a new blog page http://zackalreadyasian.blogspot.com

it's still empty.. so don't bother looking at it :)

My Randomness!! Ep. 22: Colour My Life

pfffffyyyYYYYTTTTTT!

hmm... what was that? sorry, just another one of my sarcrapsm..

don't know what's SARCRAPSM???

well, obviously it's sarcasm + crap =?...

or is it supposed to be sarcasm x(multiply) crap = sarcrapsm?

no.. that's not right..

should be..

S x A x R x C x R x A x P x S x M = SA2R2CPSM
                                                        = S(A)(R)C(R)(A)PSM

urgh.. you know what..
you work out the equation!

hahaha.. sorry, I tend to have an "intro" for every post that I make. it's.. a tendency.. *ehem*

today's post is about COLOURS! don't ask me why I wrote this, but it just pop out. and again, it's random so that's why it's in the My Randomness!! episodes.

by the way, let's start with black and white.. currently now my favourite colour. both have meaning to each individual who chooses them. separately, they differ from each other. but combining them together, they tell another story.

Yellow: usually the preferred colour for my badminton kits

often when people watch old movies that were black and white, they say it's "colourless". no, they are not colourless, black and white is indeed and obviously COLOUR. only that it has little taste and feel to watch. personally, watching a movie in black and white gives weight to my heart. I don't know why, that's just me I guess. I love movies with rich colour.. let's take the latest; Green Lantern! I love the "green" in the movie. though the colour YELLOW is usually the preferred colour for my badminton kits but sadly this time "yellow" is the baddy (colour of fear in Green Lantern movie).

talking about colourless.. it's easy to find one thing that is. one of them is water. they do not have any distinct colour.. they just exist that way. how God manage to make it colourless is absolutely amazing. though kids tend to justify that water is BLUE, it does appear to look blue at times. why was it blue? according to one scientific explanation, for the same reason why the sky is blue, when white light from the sun enters the water (ex: ocean), other colours are formed (RED, blue, ORANGE, yellow, rainbow colours etc.). but like red, orange, yellow (long wavelength light), the water absorbs the colour stronger than of blue (short wavelength light) and blue is what your eyes see.

now, let's not get nerdy here.. haha.

so, what can we actually do with colours? we can paint a picture, we can write with them, we can beautify something with them.. we can do anything with them. colour gives or shows character. why so? every soul has colour. every time they do something, they are actually either adding or showing "colour" of themselves. when people are in love.. the "emit" a colour. people describe their love with a shape of a heart. but it means nothing without colour.. so they add red to it. but why RED? in my opinion, heart pumps blood which is red, so it's obvious that a love heart is red in colour. or it also means sacrifice.. a person would sacrifice anything for love, including one's own life. when one loses love.. the love heart turns black. black like charcoal, it breaks easily and can be burned which causes pain.

a happy person usually emits rainbow colours (at least that's how I felt when I'm happy). rainbow colours are beautiful which brings a smile upon a face when a rainbow appears after a gloomy blue rainy day.. hahaha.. now I'm putting colour into my writings to describe something. how beautiful colour can be.

In Brightest Day, In Darkest Night

right now, I can describe that my life is.. black and white. it feels heavy, empty and lifeless. but somehow, it's alright to me. I'm not doing anything bad about it and I plan to keep it that way. it's like seeing life as a straight line. if I add other colour to it, it'll no longer be straight but maybe wavy instead which is nice but "risky". inside my black and white coloured life, there's a rainbow in it.. waiting to be released and shared with others. I'm not releasing all those colours yet though.

My Life: Black and White

that is also why my current profile pictures in facebook are black and white. I felt that it truly pictures my life.. with the gloomy look I always give, seldom smiling in them. but don't worry, deep down inside, I'm full of colour.. red, blue, yellow, green, orange, etc.. with my friends, I emit my colour. but alone, I remain black and white; my true self.

so...

what is the COLOUR of your life???

mine is black and white as mentioned..

stay tuned because Ep. 23 will come sooner than expected.. maybe.
the Chapter series however still remains on hold because there's nothing new in my life for now..

wait..

there is.. ah!! Chapter 27 will come soon also lah xDDDDD

anyway..~!

figured out the SARCRAPTIC equation yet????

if NO.. then.. view the pic below..

MIAOW!!!

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT POST! xDDDDDD

My Randomness!! Ep. 21: That's You, That's Me

Fate, perhaps this was the way,
to admire without love,
it does not matter to me, as long as you're always happy,
content and always blessed, that's you.

a long time a feeling like this was kept hidden,
waiting for you to accept my heart,
it does not matter to me, for as long as you were in my sight,
feeling contented and blessed for the moment, that's me.

I wanted you to know, I wanted to wait for you,
even if it means waiting until I would draw my final breath,
to hope that this would last forever,
to hold you in my arms until it's over.

I need you, but I don't want you,
now, for just awhile, I'll just dwell on what we were together,
not who we were together.

That's you..

That's me..

My Randomness!! Ep. 20: When I Call Your Name

You never said that this was easy,
you also never said that it would be this hard,
our love is meant to be forever, now or never seems to disappear,
there's gotta be some way for me to utter
what's on my heart without leaving scars,
well, can you hear me.. when I call your name?

Life complications are the cores of all that's wrong,
and I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long,
there's gotta be some way for me to utter
what's on my heart without leaving scars,
so, can you hear me.. when I call your name?

And when I fall apart, are you the reason for my endless sorrow?
there's so much to be said.
And with a broken heart, these four walls can only go down but so low.
Can you hear me when I call your name?

You never said that this would be easy,
when I called your name..

My Randomness!! Ep. 19: Learn My Lesson

Tonight the sunset means so much,
the one thing that you know you'll never touch,
like the feeling, the real thing,
I reach out for that sweet dream,
but somehow the darkness wakes me up.

And I've felt this emptiness before,
but all the times that I've been broken,
I still run right back for more.

Sometimes I think I'm better off,
to turn out the lights and close up shop,
and give up the longing, believing in belonging,
just hold down my head and take the loss.

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now,
you'd think that I'd somehow figure out,
that if you strike the match,
you're bound to feel the flame.

You'd think that I'd learn the cost of love,
paid that price long enough,
but still I drive myself right through the pain,

yeah, well it turns out I haven't learned a thing..

My Randomness!! Ep. 18: Self Complication and the "Wedding Crasher"

tonight.. I'm blogging again once more.

life right now, seems quiet in my opinion.. well, so much quiet than usual. usually, there's so many things to do outside. but right now, it's all the "same". however, I don't mind living like this for a while but things could change in an instance, or it could stay the same. I don't want to write much here.. but just the need to "extract" my personal feelings on something; on a computer, my blog site.

for the past few months, a lot of things are bothering me in one way or another. some were temporary, some were lasting. the temporary ones are all new but didn't quite bother me. the lasting ones were supposed to be "dead" but no.. it still lingers.. and it has been there with me ever since. I don't like keeping it to myself nor expressing it to the community. but I guess I just need to write. at least to frequently remind myself how "troubled" I am right now. though it may not be important to most people, it is indeed very important to me.

funny how people can't notice how "disturbed" I am. it seems like I covered it all up very nicely. although I tend to attract some attention when I expressed some distress in my status updates on Facebook, when people ask what's the matter, I reply in a joking manner; implying that I was just fooling around. but seriously, I do feel disturbed.. but I couldn't help keeping it to myself so I expressed them through Facebook and the joke comments I put there were intentional so that people won't ask more. I admit, I don't need anybody's help. I can solve this on my own.

back to the topic, I would have sleepless nights. though I could sleep after that, I often have dreams.. most of them were sweet, warm, thoughtful. in other words, the dreams I had were nice. sometimes, I would love to stay in dreams longer than reality. most of the dreams were vivid; I could feel one's hand on mine, feel emotions.. only to feel depressed upon waking up because I was so happy to feel this way, and then all of that vanished. I don't like it at all.. but at least I have some times of happiness though temporary.

furthermore, I often wanted to find some place where I can be alone. I'm always in the need to think, to correct myself for past mistakes.. or just be alone.

the only times when I'm not feeling troubled is when I'm playing video games and playing badminton. that's why right now I'm spending more time on video games than other stuffs. but I know it won't help me forever.. one day I might want to do something new.. something more exciting.

but what am I having actually? what really bothers me? am I having stress? yes, I think I do have stress but what causes the stress? well, I don't need to find out about that. I already know. and it's making me crazy.. what am I to do about it..?

every second, it hurts me. I prefer not to hurt anybody with what I'm facing and that is why I pushed away the things that were close to me. but I don't love them anymore. I lost all feelings.. I feel nothing when I throw them all away. it sounds cruel but it's the best option. if I keep them close, they will get hurt too. I don't want that. furthermore, they were all burdens to me.. I'd rather cut loose. I'm sorry for what I've done but honestly I don't care whether you're hurt from my actions and I don't care if you hate me.

still.. about my dreams.. I would call it "meeting the Wedding Crasher" dreams. Wedding Crasher(WC) was always beautiful. whenever I was around WC, I would feel comfortable and calm. I would smile. we were always in different places, and all of them were nice places. WC would recite memorable words in my past. the words were once meant a lot to me but uttered by people who don't actually mean what they say. I would sometimes have walks with WC.. while holding hands.. it was so real.. reminds me so much of.. never mind. but anyway, usually our talks were short. and then I would wake up in the morning.. felt sad again. another day to live through.

for anybody's information, Wedding Crasher is a real person in real life. and she's female, my age. WC is also the same person in real life; all personalities are there. I must be crazy but seriously I would dream of WC almost every night. I know one day the dreams will end soon.

I don't know what to say more.. because these words I wrote here aren't making any sense at all. I'm not revealing the truth anyway. but obviously I think all of you know already. hahaha..

anyway.. that's all I have to blog about for now..

Chapter 26: Counting Cars

oh hey ladies and gentlemen..

my story continues on..

so does any other out there..

written by a famous Author..

assisted by yourself to help the Author write your story..

hello all! I'm back with the latest chapter of my life; Counting Cars. 1st of all.. the reason why I chose this as the title is because it means that I'm waiting for the "next big thing" in my own life. implying the counting cars in the sense of letting time flies either fast or slow depending on how fast the next car arrives, either interesting or bad.

here I'm going to divide into parts again like Chapter 25. so here's Chapter 26......

Back in the Game

Foo Chow; I train badminton here

as I return home from national service, I decided that I should take a break for about a week. I needed that rest and to release myself from the tensions I had back at camp. don't get me wrong, I really love the experience at camp and no, tension is always around. the only things I did during those rest times were going online, blogging, texting my girlfriend, play video games, and meeting the family members other than having lots and lots of sleep.

and believe me, I couldn't stand the rest times! I needed to do something, something like work or more fun stuffs. and so, my dad and I arranged a meeting with the head coach of AST badminton club where I again became an active member and player. only this time I decided to go full-time, training everyday. at the end of March, I started my 1st week of training after nearly 10 months of leaving the club to go through SPM exams and national service. and I can tell you, the 1st week back to training gave me an idea that this was a lot worse than committing suicide! I get pains on like every muscle on my legs and arms. I barely survived 30 minutes of training! ugh.. it's one of the worst feelings ever.. now I thought national service was pampering the people there and not giving them a little taste of hardcore.

let's just say, for 3 weeks, it's been hell for me. but the difficulty gets a lot lesser everyday. maybe it's for the fact that I'm getting much more fitter than before. now I can go through training steadier and recover fast. with other improvements such as speed, reflex, and power. but still, I lack the strategy and consistency which I noticed for myself during games with friends at training. even the recent tournament I've played which is the Novice Badminton Championships 2011, I only managed to reach the 2nd round in the singles campaign going down in 3 games 19-21, 21-11, 13-21. I did not play my usual game.. at least that's what my dad say.

so far, I'm still resuming training with AST for the whole year.. with the hope of achieving much better results in future tournaments.

Hey Doc
on 15th March 2011, it was a historic day for my family. with all 3 members of the family (including me) who sat in the SPM exam achieved the overall best results (currently) with cousin Audrey taking home 5As 4Bs, me taking home 6As 4Bs, and cousin Luzud with the family record breaking of 9As 1B. each taking different paths to make the family proud.

A doctor and a business man working together. imagine me and Luzud like this O_o

Luzud is to take on the business world while I am to take on doctor specialising in radiology. honestly, I don't know what will my cousin Audrey take when she furthers her studies later. but I'm wishing all the best with her. the only thing is, now I'm caught up with badminton, so, my studies are delayed to January 2012 where I will either go A-Levels(Science) or Foundation in Science at my choice of college. now, I'm currently favouring Nirwana College as my college of choice. many of my friends are asking me to go to Taylor's. well, I'll take a look at that. which university I go after college remains unknown. for now, I need to focus on badminton.

Friendship Never Ends

we're the students of 5A '10, SM St Michael!

everybody will soon part ways to pursue for their future. however, as long as the friendship is still there, all the separate ways that was once chosen by each individual will soon meet at one end of the path. in that term, friends call it "reunion". recently(14 May 2011) my buddy Isaac Yee organised an outing for the students class 5A of 2010. it was an important event for me because I've not met them for weeks. the outing was a memorable one for me as we had barbeques, chattering all around, laughing a lot like it used to be in class. then we had fun on the beach, dip our legs into the calming waters of the beach. then wet each other and stuff. a couple had their own sweet time together too! hehe.

sleeping on each others' belly

women of the future

I really had fun until it ends in the afternoon and I have to follow my best friend Jason home. since it was raining at the time, Jason hang out at my house till the rain stops. though I don't know when did he left because I fell asleep while he was still at my house. hahaha.

everybody is changing. not physically much yet but in terms of maturity. may the friendship we have together will not end here and then we'll have another reunion and outing!

The End of Another Romance

me(left) and Audrey during national service

as everybody knows, I'm no longer together with girlfriend Audrey. nobody was at fault and it was also for the best. I don't want any distractions at the moment and I need that 100% focus in what I'm doing. either in badminton or studying. Audrey needs to do the same too. but I'm also hoping that she doesn't wait for me and not be afraid if she falls in love with another guy. I once heard a friend saying that "people change". so, don't wait for me okay? there's lots of others better than me. and I have "unfinished business" with myself.

that's all the current happenings in my life. overall, things are a bit more quiet now. more like I need to hibernate in bed. huh~!

okay la, that's Chapter 26 for you, Zackie OUT!

PHOTOS CREDIT TO: ~Annaliza Giluk~